Ash Thoreau

I really thought this month would be different.

I had a plan: a neatly outlined schedule of posts, and steps I’d take toward ‘finding myself.’ But life, as it often does, had other ideas.

In my last post, I shared that it had been a rough week, and honestly, it still feels like I’m still stuck. Life can be like that—a chaotic current pulling you in all directions while you cling to your dinghy and just try to steer.

Right now, the only thing bringing me joy is my squirrel feeder. And, of course, even that comes with stress. I’ve read that squirrels can turn into pests. Apparently, they have a fondness for attics. Fantastic, right? Thankfully, my husband is willing to climb up to the roof and check for any points of entry. If he finds anything, I’ll have to move my feeder—a thought that fills me with dread. There’s no convenient electric source for my cameras elsewhere, and placing the feeder closer to the ground would make it easier target for my dogs. Not ideal.

Meanwhile, the blue jays have become elusive. They only appear in the mornings and still seem wary of the suet feeder I recently hung. I thought it would be a hit, but it just dangles there, unused and unappreciated. Should I take it down or hold out hope a bit longer? Maybe it’s time to swap it out for the peanut feeder I’ve been meaning to put up.

I did have a small win: I’ve identified at least two squirrels visiting regularly. After inspecting some stills and videos, I noticed subtle differences in the markings around their noses and the shape of their ears. Their coats are different too, though that could just be a seasonal shift; I guess squirrel fur darkens or grays during winter. I’m fairly certain they’re fox squirrels, but either way, watching their antics has been a small spark of happiness amidst the chaos.