Ash Thoreau

Two months, to be exact. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write—I just haven’t had the words. But I’m here now, ready to catch you up on life and share some of the challenges I’ve faced when it comes to posting here or on social media.

Rapid-Fire Updates

Our Disney trip was fantastic—truly. It was the perfect way to celebrate Dais turning three. The absolute highlight? Watching her meet Goofy. On the first day, she saw him and declared that she wanted to give him “a big hug.” The line was overwhelming, but I promised we’d find a way before we left. On our final night, we made it a mission. She was second in line, got her hug, and was absolutely glowing. After that, we wrapped up our trip with a stop at her favorite ride in California Adventure and, of course, some ice cream.

Her birthday followed a few weeks later. We kept it low-key at home, and for the first time in three years, she actually ate some of the cake I made her. She was thrilled with the Spider-Bot toy we surprised her with from Disneyland.

On a different note, I’ve decided to start a garden! After some research, I ordered seeds specifically suited for our climate. Right now, a little seedling greenhouse is sitting on my table, and next month, I’ll be getting my backyard in order to build a proper garden patch.

In less exciting news, I managed to fall down the stairs—twice—within two weeks. Thankfully, no hospital visits, but I’m pretty sure I broke my toe the second time and did some soft tissue damage on the leg. I have a follow-up appointment this week for my medication, so I’ll have my doctor take a look while I’m there.

And that, in a nutshell, is the highlight reel of the last two months. Now, onto why it took me so long to write this.

The Delay

After we got home from our trip, reality hit hard. Work, financial responsibilities, the state of the world—it’s been a lot. I’ve actually drafted this post multiple times, and I think this is the third version.

The short answer? My mental health has kept me from writing. Anxiety is nothing new for me, but lately, it’s been relentless. On top of that, I’ve been experiencing some depression. I can’t quite pinpoint the source. Maybe it’s situational, maybe it’s something else, but it’s been tough.

Another issue I’ve been battling when deciding to post is that I’ve struggled with how to navigate discussing current events. I don’t like broadcasting my political views—I learned that lesson in high school. Talking about these things can strain relationships, and as a parent, I also worry about the impact my words could have on my daughter’s safety. But at the same time, so many of the changes happening now will affect her, and staying silent doesn’t sit right with me either.

So, here’s where I’ve landed: I will occasionally discuss current events, but only in the context of how they directly impact my life. I am choosing this option because the it’s the only viewpoint I can speak to with true authority over. I’ll do my best to keep it thoughtful rather than turning this space into a stream of negativity. It will be difficult since most of the changes negatively impact our world and my life, but I will try. Most importantly, I’m prioritizing my mental health. No administration, no political shift, no outside force is going to take that away from me.

Regardless of what I post in that respect, I want it very clear: There is no place for close-minded or racist idiocy here. I have no problem stating that to the world. If you take issue with my stance on that, you will need to move along. We cannot and will not be friends, acquaintances or even co-exist in this tiny corner of the internet. Your comment will be deleted and you will be blocked. I don’t have time for that shit.

Moving Forward

This past weekend was a mess. I was subpoenaed as a witness for a call I took, but they only needed me if other witnesses didn’t show up or changed their stories. That meant I spent my time off anxiously glued to my phone, waiting for a call that never came. Needless to say, I’m relieved it’s over.

On the positive side, I’ve lost over 40 pounds in the past five months. I’ll be resuming my Tuesday Tally updates next week. I also, as stated, have another doctor’s appointment coming up—there were some minor concerns at my last visit, so I’m curious to see what my latest results show. I may need to adjust my prescription, and I’m also considering asking about something for my anxiety. We’ll see how that conversation goes.

For now, I’m taking things one step at a time, and I am looking forward to writing on a more regular basis.

Also, if you’re wondering, yes, the squirrels still come by. Scout was my most recent visitor. She’s still my favorite. Hence her being featured in my post tonight. I stopped posting. updates because for whatever reason, Instagram stopped allowing me to upload videos. It was strange. Everything showed I was still in good standing. I even tried reinstalling it but the entire application would freeze every time I tried to upload. It was disappointing to say the least.