After two months of trauma, I decided it was time to come back to posting here. I’m not sure when the last time I posted was, but I feel like I was healthier when I was writing regularly. So here I am.
Before I begin, I’ll briefly say that I’m not going to post about what specifically happened. I just don’t have it in me. Maybe eventually—but not now. So, without further ado, here are a few updates from the last couple of months.
My Zepbound journey ended with me losing a total of 50 lbs. Although I was about 7 pounds short of my goal, I’m taking it as a win. Since discontinuing the medication, I’ve only gained 5 pounds back. Another win—so far. We’ll see how it continues. I definitely feel the hunger pangs more.
My dad was out in April and helped me get my garden up and running. He helped me with a lot of things, actually. I now have a functional pantry. It might seem like a lame thing to be excited about, but you would be too if you saw the cabinet we were working with before. And now that I’m typing that, I’m wondering if I already gave an update on it. I should’ve reread my last post. If that’s old news—my bad.
The birds and squirrels have returned, as I’m focusing on keeping the feeders filled again. It’s a little thing, but it brings me a lot of joy. It helps keep my head above water when it feels like all I can do is doggy paddle. I haven’t seen Scout, which makes me sad. She was my favorite squirrel, and she just hasn’t been around. The ones showing up now are young—they’re small and skittish. But what I’m really excited about is the Blue Jays coming back. I always heard them in the neighborhood, but for some reason, they stopped coming to the feeders for a while.
I screwed up my relationship with my sister. It’s due to my own anger and issues I’ve had for a while but never voiced. Because I didn’t speak up sooner, I blew up on her out of nowhere. It wasn’t fair to her. I messed that up royally, and I’m pretty sure it won’t be fixed anytime soon. So that’s been one of the things pulling me down.
My husband has been pretty stellar through everything. He’s supported and dealt with me at my lowest over the last couple of months (side note: he wouldn’t describe it as “dealing with me,” but I know it hasn’t been easy, so I’m describing it that way). It’s like we’ve been on the dumbest and most depressing roller coaster together, and we’re still waiting to get off the damn thing so we can go back to living a normal life. I feel fortunate to have him by my side.
In the meantime, we’re planning another Disneyland trip. It’s kind of the only thing giving us any sanity right now. And since we’re planning it so far out, it’s giving us time to be smart about budgeting. It’s not ideal, but it’s necessary. We’re at our best when we’re planning something together.
So that’s about it. Fingers crossed it won’t be another two months before I post again.
Ash Thoreau 
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