Daily Prompt 11

What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

Personal harmony? My anxiety.

I can remember having panic attacks as early as three years old. It was my sister‘s hula hoop that set me off. Hiding under my blanket, wishing for the noise of the marble in the tube to stop. At the time I didn’t know what it was. I called it circle vision.

When I got older, I told my mom and dad that I wanted to go to a therapist. It was another time back then. They didn’t think I was serious. They probably just assumed I heard the term on television and was copying that. Meanwhile, every day I was feeling like the world was coming to the end. Music set me off mostly. But also clutter around the house. My entire family got frustrated because I kept hiding everyone’s shoes.

Now, here I am in my late 30s, and I still struggle. Still no diagnosis. Still wishing for a magical medication to set me straight.

I can barely listen to music. Too much noise in one place sets me off. I find myself grinding my teeth all the time. I don’t enjoy the days that I have off with my husband because I know I will be spending it cleaning up after him and the child, constantly avoiding an attack.

I wish I could let that go. I think life would be a lot more fun.